newfound freedoms
by esmeaplatt
Summary: The first time Esme was able to pick out her own clothes


**newfound freedoms**

* * *

Esme had been living with the Cullens for a year and a half. So many things had changed since the day she woke up as a vampire. Her mental health was getting better every day- the horrors of her human life no longer held a dark cloud over her head. She'd learned to live her life in spite of what had happened to her, in spite of what she'd lost.

In fact, she'd started dating Carlisle. The relationship that they'd been toeing around finally blossoming into something wonderful. He was everything she'd always wanted, an unobtainable fantasy of a man that her mother had criticized her for wanting. He was incredibly kind, the most intelligent man she'd ever met. When he touched her, it was with respect and gentility. Their conversations made her think in ways she'd never known possible. He expanded her imagination and she did the same for him. Making him laugh or think critically about what she had to say was one of her greatest joys. He made her feel things that she assumed were reserved for her favorite romance novels with his chivalry and exciting outings. When she finally got her thirst under control, he took her out into town. They saw shows and concerts, went for walks in the park. He introduced her to the wonder of art galleries and museums, places she'd dreamed of going to but never having the chance do to because of dream-killing parents and a husband that hated her happiness.

She'd never been happier. Of that, she was absolutely sure. Not as a child, not as a teenager, and certainly not as an adult. Carlisle made her so unbelievably happy. Her new hobbies, painting and designing- they gave her a sense of purpose that she hadn't known she needed. And Edward, he gave her the greatest friend she'd ever had. He taught her how to be a vampire, kept her deepest fears and secrets to himself when he couldn't help but hear her thoughts. She trusted him implicitly.

"Esme?" Carlisle said as he stepped into the room, his hand resting on her back as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

She looked up from her book. "Yes?"

"I was thinking we could go shopping today." He took a seat beside her.

"Shopping?"

He nodded, taking the book when she offered it to him. He always loved to see what she was reading. Carlisle smiled when he read the title. "One of my favorites."

Esme smiled too. "I like it so far. Now, shopping for what?"

"Clothes."

"I have clothes."

"Yes," Carlisle said with a slight chuckle. He rested a hand on her cloth covered knee, his finger tracing over one of the holes. "but they've certainly seen better days."

"I can just order from the catalog again."

"I want you to come into town with me. You can pick out whatever you want."

"Into town? Inside a shop? Do you think that's a good idea?"

"You've done remarkably well with the humans every other time we've gone to town." Carlisle told her. "You deserve to go shopping for your own clothes instead of having a limited selection from a catalog."

Esme considered him for a moment. It would be nice to pick some clothes that fit her correctly instead of guessing what would fit in the catalog and hoping for the best. "Okay."

Carlisle smiled. "Great! Leave in twenty minutes?"

Less than an hour later than had made their way into town and then into one of the larger women's boutique. Carlisle told the employees that they didn't need help but would come to find her if they needed her.

Carlisle followed Esme around the store, watching as she reached out to touch certain pieces before pulling her hand back and moving on to another.

"Do you see something you like?" Carlisle asked her, lifting the dress that she'd just touched from the rack.

Esme looked over his shoulders. "Do you like that one?"

"It's nice." Carlisle said, gently touching the little design along the neckline. "You look beautiful in blue."

Esme smiled. "I'll try that one on, then."

They took a few more laps around the store, the same pattern of her being hesitant until Carlisle voices his love of a dress before she'd take it from the rack. After they'd collected a few more outfits, Esme took the pile from Carlisle and disappeared into the dressing room.

Carlisle took a seat on the little sofa outside of the dressing room as Esme hung the clothes on a hook on the back of the door.

Esme took a deep breath and then took her clothes off. She laid her clothes aside before reaching for the first blue dress she'd picked up. After stepping into the dress and buttoning up the front, she turned to look at herself in the mirror. Letting out a breath she didn't need, she turned from side to side. She didn't know what she thought, couldn't tell if she liked the dress or not.

She reached for the doorknob and pulled it open just slightly, poking her head out to look for Carlisle.

He smiled at her from the sofa. "Everything okay?"

"Can I get your opinion on this dress?"

"Of course."

Esme stepped out of the room, ducking her head almost shyly when Carlisle's jaw more or less dropped. She ran her fingers long the neckline that she wasn't used to and then toyed with the silver buttons. "What do you think?"

"You look gorgeous, Esme. This is definitely a keeper if you feel comfortable with it."

She nodded. "If you like it."

"I do." He told her. "Do you?"

Esme nodded again and went back into the dressing room. She did the same thing with each outfit, getting his opinion before forming her own. She couldn't make up her mind without him telling her what he thought. She'd never had the freedom to make decisions such as this- it was overwhelming.

"They all look lovely, dear." Carlisle said as he stood in front of her with dresses over her arms as she tried to decide which ones to buy.

Esme looked up at him, even shorter as she stood barefoot in front of him. "Which ones do you want me to get?"

"Which ones do you like the best?"

She huffed softly as she ran a hand through the curls that had been thoroughly ruined in the process of trying on a dozen different outfits. "I don't know! Just tell me what to get."

"I'm not going to tell you what to get, Esme. They're your clothes. You need to like them." He said. "What is this about?"

"I've never done this before." Esme sighed, turning to look at her reflection. She turned slightly as she studied the forest green dress with scrutiny. "I've never been allowed to pick out my own clothes. I went from my mom making them to Charles picking them from the stores."

Carlisle watched her, pushing back the rage and sorrow that resurfaced every time she shared a piece of her suffering with him. How the humans in her life had treated her so terribly, he'd never understand. "That lack of freedom ended the day you ran away from that life, Esme. You are in complete control."

"I don't even know what I like in clothes."

"Well, you don't like that dress. I can tell you that."

She laughed softly, dropping her hand from the uncomfortable bodice of the dress. "How can you tell?"

"That little crease between your eyebrows. You don't like it."

"I don't." She confirmed. "I like the color but the fit is weird."

"So you like green. That's a start."

Esme smiled. "And blue. Oh and purple."

"Great!" Carlisle said, laying the blue and purple dresses on the sofa. "Now, tell me your thoughts on red, black, and yellow."

She looked at the dresses he held out for her, wrinkling her nose at the red dress with the itchy fabric that she'd hated.

Carlisle chuckled and hung it on the return rack. After she said yes to the black and yellow dresses, he put them in the 'keep' pile as well.

An hour or so later, after another few laps around the store with her newfound favorite fabrics and colors to wear, they were on their way way home with multiple bags in the backseat.


End file.
